4-24-2016 Desires

Everyone has a desire, or several. It’s a constant battle for some people to turn and walk away from those deep dark hidden desires. I know I had struggled for years with this. I think I was 25 when I decided that if its so hard, it must be worth it right? Not every desire is going to be the same as yours… I’m going to let you in on what I struggled with. I wrote a very good description and put the words into a poem. I hope you enjoy.

Deathful Desires

Deranged thoughts creep through his uncentered mind,

The clocks, the hands, turning back in time.

The memories always forbidden, always withheld,

Locked and captured always in his shell.

Abstracts and images always a wonder,

Always persisting, trying to ponder.

The sparks flew, the wires they tangled,

The body that fled, the neck was strangled.

The energizing fire, the burning flame,

This mate of mine, these are his games.

His pleasures, his happiness, his ruthful stains,

The stairway to hell, all in for his pains.

The heat, the passion, the bilingual disguise,

For he’s part of my soul, but on the other side.

How can I get back, I’m trapped within,

Hidden in the darkness, drenched with sin.

Tasha Geller ©copyright 2005

4/18/2016 Am I fading?

Hi readers, I know its been a while since I checked in, my goal was to write at least once a week. I need to dedicate myself more to it. I will work on that. But I thought with it being my birthday I would say hi. Currently I am listening to Fade into me, by Mazzy Star. Such a great song, I can escape this tiresome world just hearing this song it knocks over a maze of dominoes that lingers this wonderful given time into the air. It fills my lungs, breathing comes easily. Sometimes I will play it over and over again, yes I know its silly. Does anyone else ever do that, play a song over and over? Why is it that song, what is the meaning behind it. Why are you so connected to it. For me, being almost Deaf sometimes I hear a song, and its not the lyrics I fall in love with. Then later when I look up the lyrics, its like  I knew that song and I were meant to change each other from the beginning. I can’t live without music, I think if I had to go through my life without music I’d die a little each day, until one day not too far away, my suffering would come to an end. It’s often my only way out. Some times there are days where I am running down this winding path, lost, scared, and afraid of tripping over my own feet as I tumble and make my way through all the limbs, bushes, and rocks. It’s like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. I finally run so far that just ahead I see a cliff. The crashing thunderous sound of waves crashing against the rocks below. Will I jump today, or will I sit there on the edge battle my cries and thoughts?

Heres another poem I thought I would share with you guys that I wrote when I was 23 years old. I was married to my first husband (34 yrs), and Danny was his best friend from college. I went over to his and his girlfriend Rheagans apartment. They had all these little blocks of words all over the refrigerator. I decided to write them a poem with the words on the fridge. This is what I came up with and I dedicated this poem to Danny and Rheagan.

The Apartment

Winter bares an elaborate whisper

To the shadow of love watching

Through a true purple urge

Music visions like a void gone away

A sad dream but sweet eternity