The Medicine Shoppe

I start making my way home from Walgreens, crying and so irritated that I punch my steering wheel multiple times. Then I realized at the stop light, the car next to me had a small child sitting in the back watching me, waving at me and blowing me a kiss. I sure wish I could feel like a child again, so innocent and sweet. Showing love to anyone they see. The world doesn’t exist as a big bad world to a child. Innocent and always forgiving they are. Why can’t we as adults be so forgiving? Why can’t we all be blind to color, blind to weight, blind to how much money you have? It’s always something, there is always a neighbor or friend comparing their lives and things to yours. Why must we be judged for the things we don’t have or do have? Why must we all fit a certain criteria for anyone to care for you or about you? What happened to family cook outs, and picnics by the lake? Why do we have our phones in our hands all the time. Why do we care more about our paychecks than our actual job? So many questions and no one there to answer them.

It wasn’t too long ago I had to take on Walgreens this big bad corporate world. What I mean by bad, is that is they never had my medicine ready, they were rude, it took at least 2 hours, and they have a racist employee there. I have complained at last 10 different times and not one person called me, emailed me, or even reached out to talk to me about my issues there. My insurance isn’t taken very many places. However, there is good to this story. I found a new pharmacy. Someone told me about it a long time ago, and I have driven by it several times. But each time I passed this pharmacy I told myself its just going to take to long to talk to them, transfer my stuff, or even explain why I needed a new pharmacy. I have kids, homework, school, cleaning, cooking, working my full time job, finishing my book and anything else that needed to be done. Adding one more thing to my list wasn’t something I needed.

I happened to be in town, and you know that pull in your chest that rumbling of your stomach and butterflies when you drive by a place? Well I just knew something was pulling me to this pharmacy. So I decided to stop by. I walked in this store and it felt like home. I had this warm fuzzy feeling that just overflowed in my bones and my heart. I look around quickly and notice how beautifully arranged this little tiny cottage looking pharmacy is. It was like a dream for me, it wasn’t too warm, or cold. There were beautiful, kind, nice girls behind the counter. There was medicine stacked nicely, and arranged correctly. Everything was so easy to find. What really caught my eyes were the different cards they had for different events. Birthdays, dog sympathy, anniversaries. The were make out of recycled paper and unlike anything I had seen before. For me to say that, means they were pretty special and amazing. Then I saw him, he had gray/white hair, tall and thin and looking at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen. He looked at me in a weird sense, he wasn’t sure what I was doing there but I could tell he was curious! I drifted right toward him. His aura and light shined so bright, I just knew this was where I was suppose to be. We talked for a bit, he introduced me to all the girls that were working there. The girls loved to talk and laugh. When I went off on a story binge they would all laugh, ask questions and participate. They accepting me for who I was. I was not just another number or customer.  They were not catty at all, like the “other place”. They were sweet and loving. I talk to Laney mostly now, she is on top of all my medicine for me and my whole family. She has everything done before I can even ask her. But when I come in all the girls are so friendly and talkative. I absolutely love it! I never have to wait, they each have their own job to do and they do it very well. I don’t know if they have bad days, because they never show it. They always are happy, and happy to see us. I get all the same options that I did at Walgreens, texting notifications, phone call notifications, plus a  million more. I don’t know what it was that pulled me into that pharmacy that day, but I am glad it did.

There are a lot of people in this world that have to take medicine daily. Then there are those that don’t believe in medicine. Well I am one of those people that need medicine. I am bipolar like I have said in many of my stories. Being bipolar is like living on a roller coaster. One minute you’re happy, then the next you want to punch someone in the face. It can change in the course of 5 minutes. So my medicine helps me balance those mood swings, and manic episodes. I need my medicine, it makes my life and my families life so much better and easier and of course happier. If you are dependent on medicine for anything, antibiotics, diabetes, depression, anxiety, bipolar, pain, or many other things then you will understand how important it is having a good pharmacy.

I need my medicine at any given notice and having a place to call my own, where they know my name, and they have my stuff ready. It’s been life changing for me. Not everyone will understand this and I don’t care. But this new place for me… The Medicine Shoppe they have truly changed my life and have made things so incredibly easy for me. I wish I would have switched sooner. So I thought hey why not give them a shout out while explaining that sometimes you just can’t explain things.

http://www.medicineshoppe.com/pharmacy-locations/oklahoma/shawnee/home

 

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead © copyright 2016

The Sociopath

It all started with a simple search. What kind of man will be able to work and provide for a family? What kind of man will always have the best benefits for the rest of his life? Who can I convince that even though I have a child already, that I am worthy of marrying. All these choices, which one is the cutest, which one comes from money, what can I get from each of these? Hmmm… Pros and Cons. So many criterias they have to meet.

It all started with a simple thought of who can I find to take care of me and my child. I refuse to work, I want to stay at home and be a mom that other moms envy. With those experience in those different places no one envies me at all, because I am a horrible mother to these children. I have no degrees, or education or even experience to help me get a job. I don’t care to either. This is the life I want and I will do whatever it takes to keep it. However, I am beautiful, a little heavy set but once you look, you can’t look away. I am a very submissive girl, that loves to please. I will do anything to please you as long as it allows me control over you. I will give you sex or some form of sex every day. Anytime it’s wanted. I want to own every part of you. I want to make sure any decisions and actions you take are only what I say you will do. When you don’t give me what I want I just take that away from you. You need to be punished for not listening and doing what I say.

I will make sure you feel guilty, horrible, and anything I can to make you feel like you are not a good husband or father because you might stray. I will not allow you to have friends, and if any of my friends look at you the wrong way I will start a verbal fight removing them from our lives. I will cry and make it everyone else’s fault. I will tell him things that aren’t true so he will feel bad for me and side with me. I do not want a man that thinks for himself, although I will let him think that he does. A little manipulation, and reverse psychology goes a long way. I should know, I have been doing this for years.

I now have several children, to me I think hey if I ever get divorced thats a big chunk of child support, and since I don’t work spousal support as well. In the mean time I have taken everything I could have from his family. Vehicles, loans, house, money, anything I wanted. If things don’t go my way I just start crying on the spot, this gets those idiots every time. Especially him, the husband. He thinks he’s a knight in shining armor there to protect me and keep me and the kids safe. All I have to do is cry about a situation and instantly he is there defending me. Even with his own mother. I got this shit on lock down. I do not have to do laundry, or cook, or clean. My husband gets up in the middle of the night to feed, and change diapers. He takes my oldest to school now on his way to work. He gets home and cleans up what he can, gets us food or cooks most nights. He does laundry, goes grocery shopping most of the time by himself because (it’s just too hard with the kids). He takes care of the babies, and does the oldest homework with him every night. He baths the children most of the time, and puts them to bed. After a long hard day at work, coming home to work some more instead of enjoying his off time, well I will just reward him with a little you know what. That always does the trick. I’m not lazy or anything I can do these things and every now and then will just to say I’ve done it. I just don’t want to do anything that doesn’t interest me.

I literally do nothing all day but sleep and change diapers when the babies start crying. I have to get better at this, they keep getting rashes and infections. I watch tv shows to take away my boredom. I sometimes take the babies to the park and take pictures to make it look like I am a stand up mom. I love taking pictures, editing them because I am so good at that and sending them everyone…well everyone that is on my good side. Because I am that type of person where if you piss me off I will hold anything I can against you, including the children. These kids are my golden ticket, don’t you see. I don’t care if you are family or not. You just don’t get on my bad side or make me mad. Definitely do not put me in my place or point out that I am not perfect, otherwise I will seek revenge and turn into a demon and destroy your life. Yes be afraid, you better light that fear in you because I am ruthless. Or at least I think I am. I had these kids for a reason, and one of those reasons is so that I can use them against whoever to get my way. I don’t care that it hurts my kids.Oh but they are young I can do this while they are young they won’t know. Right? I will do what I want regardless of what you say, because I am very immature and don’t realize that yet. But I have a beautiful face so that makes it ok right? Oh, and I know I am right and you are wrong so that counts right?

I have all the passwords to my husbands accounts such as Facebook, I even set my own photo as his profile picture just so that in case anyone from his past or present go to his page, they see he has me. I think this keeps those hoes away, because I don’t trust my husband enough to put them in check. I have control issues. None of these things bother me, although I will cry and cry like they do. If I think someone is on to me, I create chaos with everyone they know and try to turn people against them.

I am very insecure, I refuse to let someone take him away since I have worked so hard to get him and keep him but I do have fear that he might one day wake up and realize the kind of person I am and leave me and take the kids with him. So I will continue this control, I will read his messages and notifications for Facebook also and I am sure that my phone is signed into his account not mine. I always check his phone, I have him take his calls on speaker phone so I can hear the conversation. I don’t trust him, he is going to hide something from me if I don’t do this, he doesn’t see it as an insult yet, thank god. There are lots of things he doesn’t realize, and as long as he doesn’t everything will be just fine. I have even had him come home in the middle of the work day because I am sick (cough, cough) but really I just want to sleep. He can deal with the kids. I have no conscience but I am great at pretending that I do.

~The Sociopath

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead

The Sociopath ©copyright 2016

 

For worse, for BETTER

Dedicated to S

The moment I looked at her, the sunshine all around. We were surrounded by thousands of people and I am sure it was loud. I wouldn’t know though, all the sounds went away as I watched her walk up towards me. I instantly felt safe. This looming thick mist attacks my airways and I could not breathe, I could not understand the emotions that were unfolding out from all around me. I could not feel my feet, my legs felt light in fact I couldn’t feel the ground, I guess its what some say is called floating on air. I have never in my life felt this before. It was so strange, it was the only moment I remember from that entire evening.

I don’t think anyone can blame me for chasing this mysterious woman, a little intimidating but I think to myself I can handle her. Will she be able to handle me though? She has this tough exterior. Is she as tough inside as she is outside? Is she secure, stable, got her stuff together? Well I won’t hold you in suspense here, I got a date with her. I watched her closely as she talked about life, I watch her dominate her presence. I felt though I could smell just a hint of fear. Perhaps, I was intimidating as well. Either way, I liked it. There was way more to this woman than what meets the eye. I shivered as she put her hand on my lower back when we were leaving and she held open the door for me. The wind caught our cheeks and the sunlight gleamed from her eyes as she smiled at me, holding the door. I just melted to the floor. I could not walk, my knees were shaking as I climbed up in the big truck. SIGH. That angelic face was stuck in my head for weeks, as we talked over text and over the phone every night, I knew that I had to take a chance and see where this might go with her.

The nights started to become longer and lonelier as I longed for her touch. Her presence next to me keeping me safe, and holding me until I fell asleep. I knew she was the one for me. We have been through so much emotionally, financially, physically but you know what we pulled through stronger than ever. Happy one year anniversary S. I love you.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead ©copyright 2016

 

7/29/16

 

Saved Draft- Polished

 

It’s funny h0w I watch and listen to everyone in the media, all these celebrities, and moguls themselves are saying they are so smart and can do great things but they are in debt. People who drive up in a car that could have bought 5 different families homes. Why? Why do you need that car? Now to me that is not someone I would take advice from because they don’t see sensible. Up there in the spotlight, making all this money. So my only conclusion since they don’t donate or build charities, is that they spend their money on material things that are outrageously expensive just to keep up with the Joneses next door or to be in a magazine showing “America” all their great things. Let’s make America great again. Buying all these things that are meant to impress other people is that like a form of insecurity? Or are they selfish? I see homeless people all the time, or woman who goes through abuse with their lover and have no where to go with their babies, or the children that come up to you when you are eating something and ask if they can have some? What about these folks, oh that’s right you worked very hard for your money. Why should you have to give it to anyone that doesn’t deserve it? Well if it weren’t for people like us common folk you wouldn’t have that money. Isn’t it us normal folk that buy your companies things? Did you inherit it that company? Refuse to share it? You will never reach your spiritual growth level that every person deserves. It brings peace, it eliminates stress, and keeps happiness on lock down. How can you sit back and watch people SUFFER and starve or cry themselves to sleep, when you have the power to change things? Sad. It really is, and NO ONE is doing anything about it.

Now for me, when people try to impress me I am more apt to listen to them if they are telling me ways to reach my growth. Telling me their experiences and how they’ve come so far to get where they are and to have what they need. Things they bought because they needed them, not because of some pressure to live up to societies standards and be like all the cool kids. People impress me when they open doors for people. Help a waitress clean a drink on the table spilled. A young man helping an old woman get her groceries put in her car and put her cart up. You know that thing called manners. Common courtesy. Love.

When you grow up, you realize that this world is a horrible place for some people. You should always do everything you can to help anyone you can. You come to understand that there is more to life than working, and going home or going to the bar to party all night. We are now more than ever in a crisis and everyone needs to come together, whites, blacks, muslims, mexicans, italians, purple, and anyone else. There is a higher power somewhere dictating and pulling the strings to divide us. That is the ONLY way to defeat wait…. DESTROY America. Turn us against each other and take each other out. People who don’t see this, need to be made aware. Problem is everyone is so defensive, angry, unsure what to think that they end up shutting you out when you mention it.

Please when you wake up tomorrow, do something for someone. Wife, Husband, Kid, Neighbor, Church Member, stranger, anyone. Even if its to stop them and give them a hug.

Let’s start spreading LOVE and Positive VIBES, and HOPE.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead ©copyright 2016