My ship is ready for me, I am leaving this recently fallen, unfamiliar country. I shall pick up my heavily stuffed suitcases filled with what’s left of my broken heart shards and these minimal belongings.
Standing here, I’m left wondering will my ship crash into the ocean, will I fall into the heavy waves while rain patters heavily down on my head. The thoughts of drowning, and my mouth sucking in the water, while the little amount of air is yanked from my lungs slowly. You see, this torturous death is all the same to me as my feelings were when abandonment set in, realization kicked into overdrive, when you walked out of my life.
Remember the note you left that I never read, well, I burned it in a metal coffee can on my front porch steps. It felt good watching the paper and ink shrink to ashes, then vanish into the air without a trace. The wind carrying it away with invisibility. The flames engulfing every thoughtless, emotional confession you felt you had to say. It saved me one more memory that I won’t have to look back on and feel this emptiness in the pit of my stomach. An explanation wasn’t what I wanted. I needed you. I needed your warm body next to mine. I needed your arms wrapped around me with endless hugs and late night talks. I needed your acceptance of me and everything my soul embodies.
Still, nothing means nothing, so I think I’ll abandon ship as well. For these broken waters, much like you, aren’t strong enough to carry me anyways.
© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
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