Quick sand

When I think back to growing up, I was at all times, silently encouraged to give up on anything before I even got started.

Manipulated really and I was held back purposely from reaching my potential out of pure jealousy and hatred.

So look at me, I’m curious sir. Tell me how your different when I’ve been here before. It’s not hard to read between the lines.

Crossed over and back, running is my weapon. I always get away. I never choose to stay, but for the first time, I was pushed away.

For you, why should I give up how far I’ve come? Jeopardize my career, put the stakes in the ground and steer to your isolated island?

You’re asking me to bury my head in the sand. Walk away from it all literally forcing my hand and show just who’s in charge… the man.

You caught me off my game, caught me off guard when I looked upon your face. With my scope in clear distance?

I never shoot and miss, but first I had to exist. I felt I had to make you notice me in such a desirable way…you lured me to stay.

When you’re not here folded in my arms, Im drowning in waters that I could never wade. A light once bright, can you feel the fade?

Did you see me coming from so many miles away? Im ready to start running, wanna come with me? Without your mastery delays.

I can’t catch my breathe, but can live a life without you by my side. You showed me a love that I wanted to feel, why turn it away from me, why lie?

How do I get you to understand all that I’m trying to say? Do you want me to beg, get down on my knees? That will never be. I’m not someone you can pay to have your way.

This path chosen for me, the final call, the decision has been chosen already. Conditioned state of mind choosing for me, why do I stall?

Tell me the risks, and that I’m not worth the fall. Insult me some more please, a bore. Catch me in your arms, was all but a painting on the wall. My heart is sore.

….I was at all times, silently encouraged to give up on anything before it started.

Tell me is this it, is this all? Give up Billie, stop with the stalls. The love you have is voided… barricaded in you put up the wall. That all which you had, is all, your last call.

-Billie

June 26th 2019

COPYRIGHT NOTICE © TASHA GELLER-HOLLINGSHEAD, WWW.BILLIEJEAN.LIVE, JUNE 26, 2019. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS SITE’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS AND LINKS MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO TASHA GELLER-HOLLINGSHEAD AND WWW.BILLIEJEAN.LIVE WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.

Alexa’s Pawn, a King in Disguise

I’ve been here a merely 30 something years and I’ve come to find that life is like a game of chess. Sometimes your best thought out move is the only thing you have on any given day… to look forward to. Why else would you choose to waste your time doing something so unimportant?

It’s funny how people perceive things as being their idea while you’re just sitting in the back unnoticed not taking credit but with a huge smile on your face as you watch it unfold in front of you so perfectly. Kind of like a whore who’s sweating in the back of the church …watched ever so carefully but at the same time so completely unnoticed. People only show others what they want them to see, rarely do you ever see another’s true self. Why would I be any different? Or am I?

It’s sad that we continue to look away or ignore those things we know deep down aren’t good for us. Pretending for a bit, as they do in fairy tales; to just to tell ourselves we’re special, or unique and we deserve something better than what we’re actually given or what we’ve got right there in front of us. All I know is this, and “this” is simply being that people underestimate me far too often. Which has always been my biggest weapon or attribute, not my biggest weakness. Very few will truly understand what I’m saying, unless they’ve walked the walk I’ve walked or led the life I’ve led. Which, I mean honestly who can say they have? How well do you actually know me or what kind of life I’ve actually had? Were you there? For how long? Exactly.

What life is it you have thought about me having lived where you can justify these labels you’ve slapped on me and judgements you’ve added to my story in your verbal attempts to validate your own formed opinions with the information I have given you? If you’re so knowledgable do tell me this then. Where might I ask did you get your information from, who is your source? I was told while growing up, in fact til this day I’m told frequently, reminded by a certain person that “if you listen to someone long enough they will tell you everything you need to know about them.”

It’s interesting to come to such a simple conclusion after writing all this; especially after having made such bold statements like what I’ve written above with these carefully selected choice of words. So vulnerable, yet so brave and so completely forward, yet so evasive. But do you sit over there thinking to yourself “I see right through her”?

If so, then there’s only one thing left to say. My conclusion concludes with such joy in my soul as I say aloud in a soft whisper…Checkmate.

Billie-Jean Monet

5:20 AM Sunday, June 16. 2019

COPYRIGHT NOTICE © TASHA GELLER-HOLLINGSHEAD, WWW.BILLIEJEAN.LIVE, 2019. UNAUTHORIZED USE AND/OR DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL WITHOUT EXPRESS AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THIS SITE’S AUTHOR AND/OR OWNER IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. EXCERPTS AND LINKS MAY BE USED, PROVIDED THAT FULL AND CLEAR CREDIT IS GIVEN TO TASHA GELLER-HOLLINGSHEAD AND WWW.BILLIEJEAN.LIVE WITH APPROPRIATE AND SPECIFIC DIRECTION TO THE ORIGINAL CONTENT.