Standing in the kitchen, I am simply washing my hands, the light gets turned on and for me it was a different color than it was 2 weeks ago. I feel strange, the thoughts and emotions I felt in that moment were so surreal. I suddenly realized how beautiful our kitchen was. The sound of the boys playing the xbox in the living room, and this energy… I felt taking over my body.
Just standing there taking it all in, I was actually into the world, my surroundings. I felt like this was the first time I really didn’t feel detached from my soul. The taunting feelings I have been struggling with were lifted. I am finding new meanings, its like a stage and I am the star actress, but my lines were my own choices, I could make my fate what I wanted. This strong desire to be as independent as I can, but still be a loving wife and mother.
I used to not enjoy the sun, or be outside really. It had became an issue for me. Yesterday I laid on a blanket, a soft one out by the lake and basked in the sunshine. Feeling the wind brush my face, a purpose had formed. I am at the beginning stage of a new chapter. One I actually think will be an adventure of what happiness feels like. True happiness for the first time in my adult life.