Parallels

My heart beats so fast whenever you’re around.

My hands tremble, twisted together, bound.

The metal jingles around my head, the air is a mist of sweat.

Never thought I’d end up here, in this moment, a lost bet.

My legs look pretty red, wonder what it looks like from behind?

The stinging lingers, our souls sharing this single night of design.

We fade away once again, getting swept aside by pride.

When I said I’d say no next time, I’d be lying to say I tried.

Back here for more, your lips so softly placed upon mine.

Puts my mind in naughty places, is that such a crime?

Another night we tell ourselves will be the last.

We should know our time together has surpassed.

The rain falls above my head, the cold keeps me inside.

I’ll be looking outside though with a smile, always, waving goodbye.

You’ll be a memory that is cherished for the rest of my days.

Always a fond existence, a picture perfect transference of parting ways.

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead 1/18/2018, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Recommended video: Imagine dragons- whatever it takes

Advertisements

Love Curse

I’ve never been that great in the love department.

Everyone tries to fix me and mold me into what their idea of what I should be. The relationship gets stagnant and trust me when I say I am one difficult bitch to handle. I fight the currents, I swim into the waves away from the shore when it becomes too much. I dive deep down under and watch all the beautiful life that surrounds me. It’s always just out of my grasp. Those fairy tale endings, the romeo and juliet, the knight in shining armor ending never comes for me. I can’t be rescued, you shouldn’t let me in your heart and you shouldn’t even try. I am emotionally unavailable for even those that I keep close to my heart. I push away those that mean the most to me because the connection is just too strong for me to control myself around them. And still, my boredom always takes over, my jealousy always comes with stipulations. That get thrown out the window as I use them as a crutch for my uncatered behaviors. I get so frustrated with the perfect family image and good girl persona that everyone expects from me. Girl, can’t I have itches? Can’t I scratch my open legs with a little tingling in secrecy? I always slip up and make the same mistakes. Learning these lessons is not a skill I have mastered yet and to be truthful some lessons I want to relive. Over and over again. I don’t want to get over them, I don’t want to move on. One thing I do know is that I don’t want to be your only one. I don’t mean to mis-interpretate. I don’t mean to misrepresent my intentions.

All I am saying is, I’ve never been that great in the love departement.

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Recommended Video- Halsey- Bad at Love

Dedicated to the one and only Hillary.

The Realization That Set Her Free

She kept it in for so long trying to hang on to what she thought they could have had. They had nothing though, realistically. After it was all said and done he ended up walking out of her life anyways. All those feelings and the time she put in was a waste of effort and energy. She bit her tongue when all she wanted to do was tell him how he slowly tortured her by making her feel things down there. She wanted something from him. Just wasn’t sure what that was at the time. With time on her side this time, her eyes have been opened. Was it intentional on his part? Maybe not. Maybe so. If she had to guess she thinks he knew exactly what he was doing. For what? For a boost in his ego? If he didn’t, then how stupid was he not to notice that she was feeling the sexual vibes he was generating and sucking them into her skin. That’s neither here nor there. Did he just really walk away and throw away everything that reminded him of her? Did he really just throw her out like a piece of trash? Oooh, the hurt that sunk in her deep.

She hopes that one day he will look back and find a memory of her haunting him. Why? Simply because he hurt her, and on some level she wanted him to feel the same kind of hurt. She however, will never see him the same anymore. All those thoughts and fantasies have moved on to someone new. There will always be someone new, because like Halsey sings “I’m bad at love.” She never promised to give him any part of her body, but he could have taken her by storm so easily. The would be heated moments filled with sweat and positions unknown to most. She knows now how she was weak minded and didn’t have it in her the strength to say no, can anyone really blame her though? Never once did he put her in the position to discover all her cards she thought she was hiding so well. She knows now what it all meant. She’s bad at love you see, maybe he was too? In hindsight she could never treat him better than any other person out there. He is just like all the others that held her heart, dropping it, letting it shatter all over the floor. Leaving her alone to pick up the pieces and put it back together. He no longer has anything to offer her that she doesn’t already have. It’s irrelevant now. After all she has been through, she is now wrapped up and entangled into a twist with a new lover. Set out to discover this new world that she was scared of. Why was she ever scared? It seems to come so easy to her now. Oh how she was missing out.

Yes, he missed a golden opportunity of something he never thought he wanted. Or did he want it? He sheltered his feelings from her, holding back all that he thought was precious and one of a kind. Baby, she said, “I hate to break it down like this, but I found what I was looking for elsewhere”. She found herself on her own without the help she thought she needed from him. All that pent up lust she was feeling, the smoldering mist that covered her body, causing a trembling within and the anticipation for sure has been brought to the surface for her by someone else. Someone who took the chance. Something she thought would never be possible because the hold he had on her was so strong and not from this world. She realizes after all this time, she didn’t need his kisses, his hands around her throat, his fingers between her legs, or his self proclaimed unique experiences. She realized finally that she doesn’t need anyone. She can get these feelings with just about anyone. A realization that has set her and her soul free.

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Recommended video- Adele- You’ll never see me again