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The Fat Girls Closet

The bodacious sound of two fat butt cheeks slapping together, my arms pulling as hard as they can, my fingers grip the top of the pants. I sway to the left, I sway to the right, I bend down like its somehow going to help. I pull up as fast as I can with my fingers well tight and snug around the end, where I button and zip up my pants. Finally I got them on. Inside my mind right then, that moment I thought I have to lose weight.

I look in the mirror to try and determine if my belly hanging over can be hidden by a specific kind of shirt. Oh, is it cold enough to wear a long scarf? Is it cold enough to wear a hoodie? After being fat for a good while, you learn to buy sweats, or the pretty ones from old navy so you don’t look too terrible. You learn to take pictures from different angles so you don’t have a double chin or so people can’t see your belly or arms. You learn to contour your makeup so that your makeup gives you certain features that make you look thinner. You learn to wear mens T-Shirts so your double arm is hidden in the sleeve. You learn to wear browns and blacks because it makes you look thinner. You learn to stop wearing the cute clothes you always wore before. Why?

Today in america, models are thinner than they have ever been. Every where we look there is someone famous that is walking the red carpet with the thinnest dress, and they are listed as best dressed. Why when someone sees us, they see someone they are conditioned to believe is ugly simply because we are overweight? When we try to express our individuality we are told the outfit we are wearing was not designed for someone like ourselves, someone the size we are. What? That we are fat? That we are overweight?

Grow up, you are not perfect yourself. You may work out at the gym, and wear all the nice clothes and are in fashion from the moment you step out of your house. That doesn’t mean that you are better than I am. It doesn’t mean you are smarter than I am. Really it just means that you are superficial. In your world people like me need to get off our butts and hit the gym. You would dare not ever be seen on a date with someone my size. That’s so sad, to be a 12-14 I should not feel fat. I should not have to look in the mirror and feel horrible about myself. If my sons want to wear blue nail polish on their thumb nails or toe nails, who am I to take away that innocent. That is all it is. People make it out to be what they are conditioned to believe because its different. We are all different.

Will the world ever get better in our generation? The world just keeps getting worse. There are too many people that are self entitled, and only relate to what is cool in our media or what they read. The media used to be an outlet for everyone to be educated with what is happening in the world. Now it’s just a circus, which channel can get the most viewers. Let’s do something so whack that it blows away peoples minds. Taylor Swift and Kanye? That’s not the kind of education I want to know. That needs to stay in the entertainment magazines or youtube channels, it does not belong on the news. What has this world come to? Seriously ask yourselves, why are clothes, makeup, extensions, pedicures, manicures, tanning, working out, having the most likes on twitter or youtube, being the coolest so important to you? Wouldn’t you rather feed the hungry, comfort women of domestic violence, be a friend to an overweight person and not judge them, help those that are needy, stop being so greedy, take care of each other. Even if they sin. Say they are gay, or transgender, or they were in prison, or perhaps are ex addicts, current addicts. We all have faults. Let’s stop judging each other! Be kind to each other. Smiles are contagious you know, and hugs, well they heal.

So next time you see a fat person instead of being disgusted just hope that they are happy, no judgements.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead ©copyright 2016

7/29/16

 

Saved Draft- Polished

 

It’s funny h0w I watch and listen to everyone in the media, all these celebrities, and moguls themselves are saying they are so smart and can do great things but they are in debt. People who drive up in a car that could have bought 5 different families homes. Why? Why do you need that car? Now to me that is not someone I would take advice from because they don’t see sensible. Up there in the spotlight, making all this money. So my only conclusion since they don’t donate or build charities, is that they spend their money on material things that are outrageously expensive just to keep up with the Joneses next door or to be in a magazine showing “America” all their great things. Let’s make America great again. Buying all these things that are meant to impress other people is that like a form of insecurity? Or are they selfish? I see homeless people all the time, or woman who goes through abuse with their lover and have no where to go with their babies, or the children that come up to you when you are eating something and ask if they can have some? What about these folks, oh that’s right you worked very hard for your money. Why should you have to give it to anyone that doesn’t deserve it? Well if it weren’t for people like us common folk you wouldn’t have that money. Isn’t it us normal folk that buy your companies things? Did you inherit it that company? Refuse to share it? You will never reach your spiritual growth level that every person deserves. It brings peace, it eliminates stress, and keeps happiness on lock down. How can you sit back and watch people SUFFER and starve or cry themselves to sleep, when you have the power to change things? Sad. It really is, and NO ONE is doing anything about it.

Now for me, when people try to impress me I am more apt to listen to them if they are telling me ways to reach my growth. Telling me their experiences and how they’ve come so far to get where they are and to have what they need. Things they bought because they needed them, not because of some pressure to live up to societies standards and be like all the cool kids. People impress me when they open doors for people. Help a waitress clean a drink on the table spilled. A young man helping an old woman get her groceries put in her car and put her cart up. You know that thing called manners. Common courtesy. Love.

When you grow up, you realize that this world is a horrible place for some people. You should always do everything you can to help anyone you can. You come to understand that there is more to life than working, and going home or going to the bar to party all night. We are now more than ever in a crisis and everyone needs to come together, whites, blacks, muslims, mexicans, italians, purple, and anyone else. There is a higher power somewhere dictating and pulling the strings to divide us. That is the ONLY way to defeat wait…. DESTROY America. Turn us against each other and take each other out. People who don’t see this, need to be made aware. Problem is everyone is so defensive, angry, unsure what to think that they end up shutting you out when you mention it.

Please when you wake up tomorrow, do something for someone. Wife, Husband, Kid, Neighbor, Church Member, stranger, anyone. Even if its to stop them and give them a hug.

Let’s start spreading LOVE and Positive VIBES, and HOPE.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead ©copyright 2016