No reasons left to wonder

Tell me why I’m over here crying about you. We were never all that much were we, to waste all these tears? All those years?

My soul and heart was aching for you, but comfort never came. In the dark times you didn’t have to question that my love was never a game.

I stood there in the doorway waiting, with all of my emotions sore. Just to watch you slam it shut and say you don’t want me anymore.

You put up walls that stood too damn tall, always there keeping us apart. You let your past eat up your nerves, and it was that alone that created your depart.

Your shadowy figure dances inside these walls of my dimly lit room. I lose myself in memories of what was once me and you.

People had their way with us, talking all this shit. Coming between us, every step, every move. Words that ultimately sank our ship, words that left nothing to prove.

We could have rode the waves all the way out to the shore. Made a way for a nice life, have a showdown, or perhaps…even the score.

Yet, here on my own, I’m faced with reality checks and false hope. I can only do it so long, walking this light, tight rope.

Same stories you tell again and again, twisted up plots just to win. Cradling your heart, protecting the parts that are still swimming in sin.

Leaving me here alone, and soft spoken. Yes you left, but I knew though, deep down I was just this beautiful vase you kept purposely broken.

So spread your wings little one, lift your head high, soar to the sky and fly your own kind of wild. I’ll be here still stronger than ever with my new lover, my new karmic why.

Tasha Geller

© Tasha Geller and http://www.billiejean.live, billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, July 12, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tasha Geller and http://www.billiejean.live, billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Why do I

The fire burns brightly from the fireplace. I sit here on my lush couch with my knees pulled up to my face, caressing my chin. The tears fall slowly and quietly down my expressionless face. These walls though, they pay no mind to my emotions, as they play with the shadows dancing around, telling me their own story. They want me to know once again that’s it’s their moment. I don’t exist in this moment, it’s not my moment to take. They own the room. Like how you own all the walls that are built around my heart.

The memories come flooding into my mind like the hurricanes bring its massive waves, crashing into to the shores. Destroying everything in its path. The storm itself is peaceful at first, yet it leaves only destruction and chaos. Like the pain you left behind in place of our once upon a time warm embraces. It’s a bittersweet moment to be in. I am finding myself  reminiscing those times we would laugh, plot, and entertain into the nights when we knew all we had was each other. But, did we only have each other? Sitting on your lap, the wind blowing softly, I would run my fingers through your hair. Twirling my fingers through each and every strand. Knowing that touches the very soul that embodies your shell. You gave me a meaning, a reason to look forward to each day, that I could wake with you. Life was great wasn’t it? Breakfast in bed, making love under the sheets, even though we were already running late. The over powering stench of mouthwash fills the air that’s sucked into our mouths as we painted our lips together. Creating our own canvas. Hard to breathe, with our arms wrapped around and intertwined with each other. Sometimes, honestly, I still wake up and wish I could be right there next to you, wherever that may be.

My soul has been covered in blue since you went away. Waiting is not a game I play, or care to. I got so tired of fighting for you, wastefully with my time… And I know, we were destined to find our own ways without each other. But, this crack in my soul has had a hard time healing. I know deep inside though, that this will somehow end up being my biggest lesson. A beautiful flower, in this beautiful garden awaiting for me. Yet, the time it’s taking to do so is killing me slowly. It’s sucking every ounce of rebuilt energy away from me. I guess to strip me all the way down to the core, so it can grow my whole self into a better me. A better me without you.

So why do I? Why do I?

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, December 5th, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tasha Geller-Hollingshead and http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com  with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Check out the video used for the vibe of this blog.

Pandora’s Box

I stare down at you laying in my arms, my mind wonders off and lands in fantasy land. Your hand traces the outlines of all my curves, your lips wrap around my mouth, the taste so sweet. You whisper things to me that makes my body tremble. You tell me a story, the one you’ve told hundreds of times before.

Yet you take me for a fool, you feed into my desires, playing on thoughts of forever. Do you touch yourself thinking of all the things you beg me to do that no one else can? Do you sit in your corner reminiscing all the paths we’ve been down, down, down? Hashing out what you can say to make me stay just one more time.

But, Oh baby I see through your lies, your lies, all the times you tripped me up, how stupid was I? You cover your eyes when I want to open mine. Yes it’s been lonesome baby, oh baby– but I see your lies, your lies.

Walking down the street, the light flickering off the poles so high up, a sliver of a smoke screen. Like a Hollywood scene, my smile- that kind of bright red lipstick smile, and wearing my neon green fish net stockings with my high heels. I see you over there, I look away from this stranger I see. You grab my hand pulling me back in with your kiss trapping me in your reality once again. Why can’t you just stay away, my pandoras box, just stay away.

Yet you take me for a fool, you feed into my desires, playing on thoughts of forever. Do you touch yourself thinking of all the things you beg me to do that no one else can? Do you sit in your corner reminiscing all the paths we’ve been down, down, down? Hashing out what you can say to make me stay just one more time.

But, Oh baby I see through your lies, your lies, all the times you tripped me up, how stupid was I? You cover your eyes when I want to open mine. Yes it’s been lonesome baby, oh baby– but I see your lies, your lies.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, September 11th, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tasha Geller-Hollingshead and http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com  with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.