Italian Brunch

Getting ready this afternoon, I am rushing a bit. My mind is racing all over the place trying to get everything organized for my little party today. My three close, very different ginger friends are coming over for an Italian brunch. I bought all kinds of drinks, non alcoholic, since I am almost a year sober from that poison. A&W Root Beer, IBC Cream Soda, Pure Leaf Lemon Tea,  and Pure Leaf Green Tea, Starbucks DoubleShot Espresso shots, Crush Orange Soda, Snapple Peach Ice Tea, and of course Tropical punch BodyArmor SuperDrink. Ok, so I may have gotten a little carried away with the drinks, but can you blame me? I am cooking the sausage for this dish, getting my Italian salad ready, Sharyl is making the cold Italian pasta salad. I am also making stuffed mushrooms with yummy crab meat and cream cheese, fresh garlic bread. Yes, today will be fun. It will be a good thing for me, to be surrounded by a few of my friends. It will definitely take my mind off of things. I am lucky that I have such an array of friends that I can call on to come and help me get through my darkest, and even best times. I might film a bit of it to put on my Instagram or twitter. That should be hilarious. I am just aching to show off my super hella cool new dance moves. Plus did I mention that my friends are gorgeous women, should I teach them my new moves? Haha.

I am not saying cooking is all fun and games but for today it was. I think the hardest part was driving back and forth to town trying to collect everything I needed. Even with a list I managed to forget a couple things. Being manic can sometimes be a bad thing, but my house is spotless. So why even complain at all? I couldn’t help but think that the mailbox I saw that was knocked off on the side of the tiny road we live on was done by Sharyl. She drives so close to them, it literally gives me chills riding with her. I swear she has nearly taken out a few with me sitting by her in her gigantic truck. Scary.

I am currently in the process of getting together a playlist for us to listen to while we play the board games after brunch, and writing here on my blog. Why does iTunes know that I love my 80’s music and keep recommending more songs that fit that era than not? It think it’s a great possibility that I will just stick with Pandora today?

So I have not been neglecting my website, I have been writing some new things that I will post within the next few weeks. Here is something to tide you over until then. I wrote it back in 2005 and it is has been published twice. In two different magazines, I am one proud writer. Still though, it has brought more meaning to my life now, than it ever did back in 2005. Enjoy.

Mix of the Minds-

Silence speaks through unnoticed stares,

As to read your thoughts is like a dare.

Wanting to unlock what you hide inside,

When all you want is your secret to die.

When I see thoughts, I see them so clear,

And not always of the one you love so dear.

Day in, day out wondering creeps through,

Of a younger to spark your life anew.

Not only in mind, but your heart desires,

Of how far you’ll go, how much it requires.

Never the first step will you ever take?

Afraid to make a horrible mistake.

To take a risk you would rather die,

But do you want this position to try?

For who knows, you might have fun,

When it’s all over with, said, and done.

When you think it back through and through,

Maybe I wanted the same of you.

© Tasha Geller October 27th, 2005

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, January 15th, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tasha Geller-Hollingshead and http://www.billiejean.live, http://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com  with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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The Cheater

If I could go back in time I’d try to create a perfect love. Wouldn’t that have been nice? I would gauge, yes, evaluate all the people that surrounded me and learn how to love in return for once. For you, I would have started with, I’m sorry for all the pain I will cause you in the future. I will say that even though I will fall in love with you completely, I will eventually leave you for her. Any kind of her, because she will have all the things I desire, but it’s just lust every time. Why wouldn’t I see that? Why can’t I see that now. The world will surround you by the hunger of lies, lust, and deception. Feeding off of your soul, sucking it lifeless every time. Like it left me standing in the rain without a rain coat. Only puddles for me to step in. What a mucky, muddy mess I am left to clean up with my broken, lonely, and horny heart, like the many hers there were before. I would have laid next to you forever though or is that even possible for someone like me? I would have breathed my all into your lifeless, lonely body, maybe? Or made you think that anyways, I wanted to take you away from your skilled lover and stand with you on a mountain. I would have shouted from the top that I would live this way with you forever, yet I know personally that would hold no value and another her will never escape my mind once again. I always leave my lovers. I always come back to what I am used to, it’s a lesson I’ve never quite learned. You were almost just another her. I may cross your mind from time to time, I hope you will remember my smile and not all the bad things. And for me, you will cross my mind a few times this I know, or it wouldn’t be weighing so heavily on my mind. I will remember your touch, and how it sent shock waves throughout my entire being while my shirt sleeve hid the goose bumps. It will soon be a distant memory of what wasn’t, probably best thing for the both of us. I may feel like I can’t do this without you now, not that I ever had you entirely. But, I know in the future those feelings will be irrelevant. I have been here laying around all day hoping that everything truly does happen for a reason. I can’t give you what you need, I have never been able to from the beginning. In her eyes, when it becomes too much pain to bare, you have to walk away. No one likes to be the other lover. No one likes to be left out in the cold standing there with empty words. Empty words that were never said, an empty love that never cared. Empty promises that were never made, and an empty bed where she laid. Dear future lover, wrap your heart up with stainless steel and do not let me in. Unless you want to be another… her.

– The Cheater

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead © copyright 2017

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.livehttp://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tasha Geller-Hollingshead and http://www.billiejean.livehttp://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com  with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Hotel California

How foreign you are to me yet so captivating from such a distance.

I could never step into a hardened bubble afraid you would shatter me.

My reality is landing on Deaf ears, as my mind runs as fast as possible.

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You’ve really made the grade.

Billie-Jean

 

For worse, for BETTER

Dedicated to S

The moment I looked at her, the sunshine all around. We were surrounded by thousands of people and I am sure it was loud. I wouldn’t know though, all the sounds went away as I watched her walk up towards me. I instantly felt safe. This looming thick mist attacks my airways and I could not breathe, I could not understand the emotions that were unfolding out from all around me. I could not feel my feet, my legs felt light in fact I couldn’t feel the ground, I guess its what some say is called floating on air. I have never in my life felt this before. It was so strange, it was the only moment I remember from that entire evening.

I don’t think anyone can blame me for chasing this mysterious woman, a little intimidating but I think to myself I can handle her. Will she be able to handle me though? She has this tough exterior. Is she as tough inside as she is outside? Is she secure, stable, got her stuff together? Well I won’t hold you in suspense here, I got a date with her. I watched her closely as she talked about life, I watch her dominate her presence. I felt though I could smell just a hint of fear. Perhaps, I was intimidating as well. Either way, I liked it. There was way more to this woman than what meets the eye. I shivered as she put her hand on my lower back when we were leaving and she held open the door for me. The wind caught our cheeks and the sunlight gleamed from her eyes as she smiled at me, holding the door. I just melted to the floor. I could not walk, my knees were shaking as I climbed up in the big truck. SIGH. That angelic face was stuck in my head for weeks, as we talked over text and over the phone every night, I knew that I had to take a chance and see where this might go with her.

The nights started to become longer and lonelier as I longed for her touch. Her presence next to me keeping me safe, and holding me until I fell asleep. I knew she was the one for me. We have been through so much emotionally, financially, physically but you know what we pulled through stronger than ever. Happy one year anniversary S. I love you.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead ©copyright 2016