If I could go back in time I’d try to create a perfect love. Wouldn’t that have been nice? I would gauge, yes, evaluate all the people that surrounded me and learn how to love in return for once. For you, I would have started with, I’m sorry for all the pain I will cause you in the future. I will say that even though I will fall in love with you completely, I will eventually leave you for her. Any kind of her, because she will have all the things I desire, but it’s just lust every time. Why wouldn’t I see that? Why can’t I see that now. The world will surround you by the hunger of lies, lust, and deception. Feeding off of your soul, sucking it lifeless every time. Like it left me standing in the rain without a rain coat. Only puddles for me to step in. What a mucky, muddy mess I am left to clean up with my broken, lonely, and horny heart, like the many hers there were before. I would have laid next to you forever though or is that even possible for someone like me? I would have breathed my all into your lifeless, lonely body, maybe? Or made you think that anyways, I wanted to take you away from your skilled lover and stand with you on a mountain. I would have shouted from the top that I would live this way with you forever, yet I know personally that would hold no value and another her will never escape my mind once again. I always leave my lovers. I always come back to what I am used to, it’s a lesson I’ve never quite learned. You were almost just another her. I may cross your mind from time to time, I hope you will remember my smile and not all the bad things. And for me, you will cross my mind a few times this I know, or it wouldn’t be weighing so heavily on my mind. I will remember your touch, and how it sent shock waves throughout my entire being while my shirt sleeve hid the goose bumps. It will soon be a distant memory of what wasn’t, probably best thing for the both of us. I may feel like I can’t do this without you now, not that I ever had you entirely. But, I know in the future those feelings will be irrelevant. I have been here laying around all day hoping that everything truly does happen for a reason. I can’t give you what you need, I have never been able to from the beginning. In her eyes, when it becomes too much pain to bare, you have to walk away. No one likes to be the other lover. No one likes to be left out in the cold standing there with empty words. Empty words that were never said, an empty love that never cared. Empty promises that were never made, and an empty bed where she laid. Dear future lover, wrap your heart up with stainless steel and do not let me in. Unless you want to be another… her.
– The Cheater
Tasha Geller-Hollingshead © copyright 2017
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