The Cheater

If I could go back in time I’d try to create a perfect love. Wouldn’t that have been nice? I would gauge, yes, evaluate all the people that surrounded me and learn how to love in return for once. For you, I would have started with, I’m sorry for all the pain I will cause you in the future. I will say that even though I will fall in love with you completely, I will eventually leave you for her. Any kind of her, because she will have all the things I desire, but it’s just lust every time. Why wouldn’t I see that? Why can’t I see that now. The world will surround you by the hunger of lies, lust, and deception. Feeding off of your soul, sucking it lifeless every time. Like it left me standing in the rain without a rain coat. Only puddles for me to step in. What a mucky, muddy mess I am left to clean up with my broken, lonely, and horny heart, like the many hers there were before. I would have laid next to you forever though or is that even possible for someone like me? I would have breathed my all into your lifeless, lonely body, maybe? Or made you think that anyways, I wanted to take you away from your skilled lover and stand with you on a mountain. I would have shouted from the top that I would live this way with you forever, yet I know personally that would hold no value and another her will never escape my mind once again. I always leave my lovers. I always come back to what I am used to, it’s a lesson I’ve never quite learned. You were almost just another her. I may cross your mind from time to time, I hope you will remember my smile and not all the bad things. And for me, you will cross my mind a few times this I know, or it wouldn’t be weighing so heavily on my mind. I will remember your touch, and how it sent shock waves throughout my entire being while my shirt sleeve hid the goose bumps. It will soon be a distant memory of what wasn’t, probably best thing for the both of us. I may feel like I can’t do this without you now, not that I ever had you entirely. But, I know in the future those feelings will be irrelevant. I have been here laying around all day hoping that everything truly does happen for a reason. I can’t give you what you need, I have never been able to from the beginning. In her eyes, when it becomes too much pain to bare, you have to walk away. No one likes to be the other lover. No one likes to be left out in the cold standing there with empty words. Empty words that were never said, an empty love that never cared. Empty promises that were never made, and an empty bed where she laid. Dear future lover, wrap your heart up with stainless steel and do not let me in. Unless you want to be another… her.

– The Cheater

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead © copyright 2017

© Tasha Geller-Hollingshead, http://www.billiejean.livehttp://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Tasha Geller-Hollingshead and http://www.billiejean.livehttp://www.billiejeandotlive.wordpress.com  with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Last moments 10-29-2016

So there it is out there for everyone to see in the sky,

I stand there in gravel so sharp, pulling my sweater over my head,

my feet are leaking drops of blood as I walk down the path ahead.

Is this the only moment that will capture my eyes,

for yet they have been blind in life so far.

How faint, and far away you feel, the rain falls gently,

I rake my fingers through the only strands of hair on my almost bald head.

I see you standing there, I could smell you, I forgot everything around me even my kids.

I can see how there would be no mourning there, I hope I don’t forget them ever.

Was my life a whole mess, or was I just caught up in the mess my whole life?

How powerful that question breathes out of me into the mist that floats about with denial.

Will you hold my hand this last time, will I awake my final waking up next to you?

Will there be music, that moves me as profound as it does a passionate musician?

I want to hear those fiddles, hey hey hey -Devil Went down to Georgia.

Will there be light and colors as vivid for a person who can see for the first time?

Will there be all different kinds of foods only fit for a King and all his Knights ?

Will there be any time I shall I ever feel any pain or suffering after this?

Can you guaranteed to me a warranty that would outlast your lifetime?

I find myself laying in my bed looking up at the ceiling fan and getting dizzy,

I raise my arms into the air, blow out a breath of air and hum my favorite tune.

I sweat mostly at night, the pain sits in, sending me into a spiral.

My life will have to adjust, this trash can next to me is not for looks.

I glance over at my white wooden framed ole time windows to my left,

as they are raised to the top the curtains blow around beautifully and dance for me.

The breeze skates across the room, I feel at ease and inside my heart, the peace.

The room dims out with a bright life fading, awakening and tranquility.

Tasha Geller-Hollingshead ©copyright October 29, 2016

Do you think you know me, lets see?

I can’t take my eyes of you….

I can’t take my arms off of you….

I can’t take my my feet and walk away from you….

I can’t forget about you, it’s not like it should be….

 

 

This is going do be a different kind of blog. It takes more than just reading a few or few thousand lines. It requires your participation. And you will have to develop an opinion on what I am trying to say here by reading this. And then listening to this song below. It’s ok if you choose to listen to it a couple times. It’s truly moving me. Do you feel me, do you really know me? To listen to the video just click the white triangle in the middle right below.

screen-shot-2016-10-23-at-8-05-28-pm

Tasha Hollingshead-Geller ©copyright 2016